Ismail Kijo
Today’s daily Muslim is a case study in abnormal psychology. Meet Ismail Kijo, a delegate of Malaysia’s UMNO political party. How does Kijo feel he can best serve his nation? By trying to get all gay rights taken away.
“[The practice of homosexuality] should not be allowed, as it is against the rule of nature and therefore we should do what is necessary to curb it,” Kijo stated earlier this year. Actually, homosexuality is observed in numerous animal species and is thus not against nature. Besides, since when have Muslims cared about nature? Kijo’s objection to LGBT rights likely does not stem from the faulty biological component of the argument he presented, but rather from his devout Islamic faith.
What was Kijo’s proposed solution to this dangerous epidemic of gym bunnies and overalls? “With the help of several religious councils, we have cured over 20,000 cases [of homosexuality], and we hope they continue to carry on their good work,” he blathered. Homosexuality is not an ailment. It cannot be “cured.” It’s a sexual orientation, and a perfectly natural and valid one. I have no idea where he got the statistic that over 20,000 Malays changed their sexual orientation, but I imagine he pulled it out of his ass (perhaps along with a dildo or two.)
More recently, the maniacal Muslim made more comments in an attempt to criticize gays, but really he just made homosexuals sound all the more appealing. “Malaysian mothers would be forced to face the harsh possibility that the [lesbian] partners of their daughters could have bigger breasts than them some day,” he said, causing the world to collectively wonder why someone would care about the size of their mother’s tits. Then again, perhaps Kijo’s relationship with his mother was rather close, a la Lysa Arryn from Game of Thrones who breast-fed her 10-year-old son.
“Could you imagine how shocked the mother would be when she sees that this future ‘husband’ has breasts bigger than hers?” First, why would the mother care? She’s not vying for the romantic affection of her daughter. Why would it matter if her daughter’s partner’s breasts are bigger? Second, Kijo’s use of the word ‘husband’ is truly sad; not every marriage is between husband and wife. People are a little more tolerant than that now. Is it just me, or is Kijo’s fascination with lesbians’ breasts potentially indicative of his internet viewing habits? Uh oh, that’s haram (forbidden in Islam)…
Of course, gay men weren’t spared from Kijo’s bizarre wrath. He claimed that mothers would be excited to meet their future “daughters-in-law,” but would be shocked when they had thick mustaches. Guys with thick mustaches? Sounds hot, where do I sign up? I don’t know if Kijo realized that, by saying LGBT people had attractive features, he was complimenting them rather than making a case for why LGBT rights should be stripped. He soon learned the hard way that his views were outlandish – the crowd listening to his speech began to laugh at him, as did the entire world when word of his remarks got out.
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