Rule #1 of slutty Grindr selfies: Clean your mirror! (For those unfamiliar, Grindr, the app I templated Yaken’s picture into, is the gay hookup app used by Islamic serial killer Muhammed Ejaz)
(Note: Islam Yaken Aly Khomais is probably not actually gay. I sometimes put Muslims’ selfies in the Grindr template because it allows for many jokes to be made. Sorry, gay dudes. I know what y’all were thinking, but he’s not going to wage anal jihad on you or let you do so to him. The next time this mujahid probably plans on getting laid is by his 72 virgins in jannat al-firdaus (Islamic heaven)… or so he thinks.)
Born into a rather affluent lifestyle and raised in Cairo, Egypt, university-educated Islam Yaken Aly Khomais isn’t the type most would peg to become a jihadist. However, that’s exactly what happened. Yaken cut off most of his social ties and allowed his grooming habits to slip, going from hot to something along the lines of “eww, you need to take a shower.” He joined up with the Islamic State terror group in Mosul, Iraq, where he spends his days shooting Magic Muslim Peace Sprayers and tweeting imagery of severed heads. Because severed heads totally tell the world your religion is one of peace.
“I hope that brothers in the Islamic State when they slaughter somebody will write his name on his back so that if his head is cut off, we’ll know his body,” Yaken tweeted. Yep, totally peaceful. That tweet and the one involving an image of severed heads caused him to get a ton of Twitter attention, which swiftly led to him being booted from the site. Honestly, all he really needed to do to get followers was groom himself better and wear less clothing. (Speaking of Twitter, follow YDM!) He also wrote, “…when God opens up Egypt to us, if they [insulters of Islam] are still alive, we will hit their delete button.” I was going to make a rather graphic joke about certain parts of his body, err, “opening up,” but I think you get the gist.
Many have dubbed Yaken the “hipster jihadi” due to his bespectacled visage and unkempt hair. However, he’s even less relatable than the average hipster, which, to a normal human, is really saying something. “I had lived a loose life like al-jahiliyya (pre-Islamic ignorance), but when I abandoned this life due to the grace of Allah, this has become a problem for people.” Uhh, no shit. People generally don’t like it when you ditch them to go behead innocent people in Iraq. Just a thought.
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